jerk the gherkin

(slang, vulgar) To masturbate.

Crude but widely understood slang for masturbation. 'Jerk it' is a blunt, informal expression that's been common in American English for decades. It shows up in everything from stand-up comedy to song lyrics to internet culture. While definitely NSFW, it's so mainstream that most people know exactly what it means without any context. Sometimes used figuratively to tell someone they're wasting time on something pointless or self-indulgent.

(idiomatic, vulgar, rare, literally) Someone who masturbates.

(ambitransitive, vulgar) To masturbate by manually stimulating one's own penis.

(slang) The penis.